What Healthy Self-Esteem Really Is and 5 Proven Practices to Attain it

What does self-esteem actually mean?

Self-esteem is a crucial aspect of our mental and emotional well-being. It shapes how we view ourselves, influences our actions and decisions, and affects the relationship with ourselves and others. Self-esteem is something we have all heard about, but what does it actually mean? And how can we strike a balance between having too high or too low self-esteem?

Self-esteem is defined as the overall perception of yourself. It is the extent to which you feel:

• Capable. Trusting in your abilities and having confidence in your skills to handle various challenges and tasks.
• Significant. Recognising your inherent value and understanding that you matter as a person, deserving of respect and consideration.
• Successful. Acknowledging your achievements and accomplishments, whether big or small, and feeling a sense of pride in your personal growth and progress.
• Worthy. Knowing that you are deserving of love, happiness, and positive experiences in life. Recognising your inherent worth as a human being, regardless of external validation or comparison to others.

Your self-esteem is impacted by a lot of factors such as your genes, age, gender, upbringing, physical appearance and also increasingly by the use of social media. That does not mean that we cannot influence it. In fact, there is a lot we can do if we are experiencing low or overly high self-esteem.

The golden middle: where do you see your actual self?

To understand your level of self-esteem, you need to acknowledge the three perspectives of your self:

1. The ideal self: this is the type of person that you aspire to become
2. The actual self: this is who you really are as a person
3. The perceived self: this is how you view yourself or who you think you are

Healthy self-esteem is characterised by a balanced and realistic view of oneself, acknowledging strengths and weaknesses without excessive arrogance or defensiveness. That would mean that your perceived self is very close to the truth, being your actual self. 

If you perceive yourself in a less positive light than your actual self, you struggle with low self-esteem. If that is the case, do not worry – you are not alone. In fact, it is estimated that 85% of all people have low self-esteem! People with low self-esteem tend to

Contrary to what many think, self-esteem can also be too high. People who overestimate themselves may be associated with narcissism, arrogance, and a lack of empathy towards others. They tend to

• Overestimate their skills and abilities and may feel entitled to succeed
• Overlook their own flaws and criticise others or external factors
• Come across as needy since they desire validation and constant praise

So how does it then look like to have healthy self-esteem?

People with healthy self-esteem

• Live in the present. Avoid dwelling on past events and generally have a positive outlook in life
• Accept who they are. They are aware of their strengths as much as their weaknesses and recognise and address negative emotions that come up. They are comfortable looking at themselves in the mirror.
• Believe in themselves. They have a sense of confidence in their abilities, skills, and talents. They believe in themselves and their capacity to handle challenges and achieve their goals.
• Have a growth mindset. They are open to criticism and see it as an opportunity to reflect and improve. They demonstrate resilience in the face of setbacks and failures and are able to bounce back from difficult experiences, learn from them, and continue moving forward.

So how do we get there? What can we do to find the golden middle?

5 proven practices to align with your true self

Let's explore 5 proven practices that were found to foster healthy self-esteem

1. Reflect on your strengths and weaknesses
   Take time to reflect on your unique strengths. Write them down and embrace them. Make that same list for your weaknesses and acknowledge your boundaries or room for improvement.
   
   
2. Challenge your self-talk
   Use a journal to write down every time you catch yourself engaging in negative self-talk. As you become increasingly aware of your self-talk, try to replace these thoughts with self-compassionate and affirming statements. Treat yourself with kindness, as you would a close friend, and focus on nurturing positive thoughts about yourself.
   
   
3. Identify your sources of validation
   How do you know that you have done something well? Are there any people or communities whose validation feels particularly important to you? In which areas can you be better at validating and affirming yourself based on your own values, aspirations, and personal growth?
   
   
4. Practice self-compassion:
   Prioritise self-care activities that make you feel good, whether it's practicing mindfulness, engaging in hobbies you enjoy, or taking time for relaxation. Treat yourself with kindness, forgiveness, and understanding, especially during challenging times
   
   
5. Set achievable goals
   Reaching for the stars can be a frustrating and never-ending journey. Break down your larger goals into smaller, manageable steps. Celebrate your progress along the way, and remember that each step forward contributes to your growth and self-esteem. Be gentle with yourself if setbacks occur, as they are part of the learning process.